"Americans With No Abilities" Act-2013-

"Americans With No Abilities" Act-2013-

---

The "Americans With No Abilities" Act

Washington, DC – Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will
provide new benefits for many Americans: The Americans With No
Abilities Act.

AWNAA is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the
millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and
drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in
society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer
stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over.
With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant
special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have
some idea of what they are doing.'

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi
(D) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D) pointed to the success of
the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing
opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of
postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single
largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination
against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry
(68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%).. At the state
government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an
excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (a whopping 83%).

Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle
man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but
little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose
and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so
as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most inept employees. The
legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that
promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into
middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and
medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for
every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more
difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example,
discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or
experience that relate to this job?'

'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who
have something going for them,' said Ken Miller, who lost his position
as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint , Michigan , due to his
inability to remember 'righty tightey, lefty loosey.' 'This new law
should be real good for people like me,' Miller added. With the passage
of this bill, Miller and millions of other untalented citizens will
finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I
believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be
extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as
lawmakers to provide each and every person with this protection=as well as a free cell phone